From PA to Parent

After 18 astounding, amazing, arduous, adventurous and awe inspiring months, I have wisened up to one very obvious, very basic truth.

A truth that we all probably intellectually know, but to grasp it at an emotional level takes time. Genuinely. And a fair amount of soul searching.

It is really important, essential even, to sit back, relax and enjoy your baby for who she is, and not view her simply as a milestone checklist.

Whoa. Hang on. Don't say 'but thats obvious'.... I know it is. But you don't even realise when you start to slip into the checklist mentality, especially nowadays, with so much written, shared, blogged, texted, exchanged about parenting.

When we were growing up, things were probably less specialised but also more holistic. Children were viewed as little people. Not a separate species. This had its bad as well as its good. I remember being taken to the same family doctor as the rest of the family, when I fell ill. Ma says we kids never had padeatricians. She can't even recall when we quit the bottle or started on solid food or any of those details, not just because it was so many years ago, but also because she wasn't keep track or writing dates on a diary. Nor was anybody telling her to achieve a certain target by a certain date.

She more or less went with her instinct, and far more importantly, with a sense of what we kids were ready for. And even, what she, as a mother and a woman, was ready for. As a result, whatever we did or achieved happened at a very organic level.

Compare that to today, when everyone, from the padeats to peers, are constantly giving you targets: Only breastfeed for the first 6 months. Don't give the bottle. Oh now give the bottle. Now you should be able to see so many teeth. Now there should be x number of words spoken. Now she should be crawling. What, isn't she running? O now stop the bottle. Start on solid food. Start on one fruit. Isn't she having juice? O doesn't she smile at strangers? Get her into a play group. O why aren't you taking other mothers out for lunch. O how much sun does she see? O she should by now be spending x hours outdoors. Only x minutes of TV. O start brushing without paste. Now start brushing with paste. Why did you start toilet training so early. O why haven't you started toilet training yet? Aren't you telling bed time stories still? O doesn't she understand cartoon shows?

O man. Before you know it, all you are doing is ticking off on a mental checklist. Your baby is only as pleasing as the next milestone she achieves. Your baby is laughing, but at the wrong time. Your baby is pointing, but at the wrong thing. Your baby is playing, but the wrong game...

And then one day you wake up to the sheer beauty and wonder and joy and delight and unique magical gift that she is.

And the entire weight falls off your shoulder.

You smile. You laugh. You gurgle back.

Congratulations. You just became a parent.